Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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