your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
