The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
