I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
