M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
