youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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