u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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