Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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