She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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