i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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