chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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