Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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