3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
