Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
