you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
