I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize