but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
