The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
