john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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