I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
