Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
