Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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