my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
