She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
