he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
