I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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