dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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