Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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