VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have fence marks all over my body
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
