If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
