his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize