So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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