I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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