My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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