Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
