when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
