We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
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Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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