Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
