if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
