It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
