wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
