you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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