Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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