OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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