How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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