Porn is love you can see.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
