I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
