Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
