We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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