i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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