Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
