and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
