so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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