i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
