WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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