Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
