Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
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He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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