Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
