I need help removing her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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