are you so shy because you have an std?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
