I will die if light touches me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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