so let's talk penis.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
