If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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