I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
