so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
