Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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