Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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